My adultish dilemma: Am I Doing Anything Right?

The freedom of graduation included a footnote: the lack of a timely measurement of "success" and the void of a "track." No longer are our extended efforts in the library graded by percentage points or a day's purpose completed through attending class. Instead we are left to our own devices to pick from a dead sea of entry jobs and internships, tie our identity to it and proclaim to our peers that this is the new image of success. In reality, I have no idea where I stand.

I tell myself over and over that if I work out every day, spend as much time as I can force myself to in the library without becoming physically sick, punch in and out off work and not to try to fall asleep in between and eat "healthy", I am succeeding. 

However I am terrified. Terrified that in 2 months,  the categorical test of all my time spent studying will reveal that in the past 6 months all I have succeeded in is using studying as a label for laziness. Terrified that in 8 months, medical interviewers will tell me scribing was a waste of time, and research would have been much more effective. Terrified that come next summer, my money and time spent deforming my body on a treadmill and labeling pain as necessary will still result in a unsatisfying body shape. Terrified that I am doing this all wrong. 

But maybe the secret to success is the same as posting your 15th snapchat from one event: confidence. 

So instead I will return to half filled Kaplan books, grasp my pen with an eager anxiety and stab away blindly at success, as blanketed in darkness and unclear in shape more than ever before.